Feb 142017
 

Valentines DayRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about the importance of self-love and developing self-love practices.

Fuck Valentine’s Day. What a crazy idea! A greeting card company makes up a holiday so that people in relationships feel pressured to buy things for each other and people who are not in relationships feel isolated or shit about themselves.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, the person you should be celebrating love with is yourself. Without proper self-love in place, there is no other relationship. No other sustainable relationship.

Self-love is the foundation for any other relationship.

Self-love is the garden bed in which we grow the fruits we can share with another.

Self-love, self-awareness and self-confidence. Without these any other relationship becomes a struggle, a falsehood, a sinking ship, a lie.

The Human Wound

The human wound, no matter where you’re from or how you were raised, is ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘I’m not good enough’. On a cosmic level that’s because we’ve forgotten that we ARE Source, God, Grace, the All-That-Is. We’ve forgotten that we are waves of the ocean of consciousness. We’ve forgotten that we ARE divinity and we are always trying to wake ourselves up. To re-member. To become whole again.

On top of that, our society reinforces this perceived separation every chance it gets. It tells us we need to be thinner, richer, smarter, whiter and so on. For many reasons, we hand over our power to something outside of us and believe, even more deeply, that we’re not enough unless we get/do/be/have the things someone outside of us (who has also forgotten) tells us we need.

Lack of self-love strips us of our power.

Learning to love yourself is a practice. It takes time to build the self-love muscles. Imagine going to the gym every day to get strong and build muscles only to leave the gym and be told that muscles are bad and wrong. This is sort of what it’s like trying to build self-love muscles. We are constantly submerged in a society that tells us that to love ourselves is selfish and bad.

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. Audre Lorde

A foundation of love

Let me tell you something. Without a foundation of self-love, there is no other love. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t feel your worth, your value, then you are always a beggar for love. You are always coming to another half full, begging them to fill you up. When you learn to fill your own love cup you are never a beggar to love. You are rich and full and abundant and it is sustainable because it comes from within.

Self-love takes practice

Since we live in a world that wants to tear us down, that doesn’t value self-love, in fact, needs us to NOT love ourselves to sell us shit we don’t need, self-love is really an act of rebellion. And it’s needed now more than ever. On your road to self-love there will be obstacles. Some days will be harder than others. That’s ok. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself through the difficult days. Extra self-love is needed on those days.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. Lucille Ball

Here are 10 ways you can practice self-love:

  1. Look into your own eyes in a mirror and say I love you. Say it a few times. See how it feels. Don’t worry if it feels odd or uncomfortable at first. Do it anyway. Open your heart a little bit and say it again. If it feels awkward try again the next day. Do it every day until it feels really good.
  2. Listen to your body’s needs. Your body is giving you information all the time. What is it telling you? What is it asking for? Does it need more exercise? A breath of fresh air? Would it like different food or to go dancing? Often you know very well what your body is telling you and you override it. Don’t do that. Love your body.
  3. Take yourself on a date. It can be fancy or not. It can be a daytime date or a night time date. You can go out where there are other people or go somewhere you can be alone. Do it with the intention to spend time with yourself. Get to know yourself a bit better. Enjoy yourself.
  4. Mind how you talk to yourself! Your words cast spells. Everything you think and say about yourself creates a vibration that goes into your body, your cells, your DNA and actually shifts your physiology and therefore your reality.
  5. Find at least one thing you appreciate about yourself every day. Ideally write these appreciations down somewhere. Keep them in a special journal or notebook. Then on days you are struggling to appreciate yourself you can look back at ones you’ve written on easier days. You can write lofty things such as ‘I appreciate that I’m kind and generous’ or simple things like ‘I appreciate that today I’m still breathing’ or ‘I appreciate that I make great toast’. It really doesn’t matter so long as you really mean it.
  6. Get outside in nature! Whether you consciously feel it or not, being out in nature resets your energy system. Go for a walk in the woods or along a stream. Breathe in some fresh air. Get up close to some trees and feel how deep their roots go. Allow your roots to go deep too. Stand with your back up against a tree and lean in, ask for some love or just feel it’s strength.
  7. Soak in a high vibe bath. Put some Dead Sea salts or essential oils or flower petals in a freshly drawn bath. Light some candles. Yes, I know it sounds clichéd, but it really works. Sink into the hot water and take some deep breaths. Focus on your out breath and let shit go! Bathe with the intention of letting go and relaxing or of soaking in the magic of whatever you’ve added to the bath.
  8. Read something that makes you feel good. Just one paragraph or page will do. Read some poetry or a self-help book or something funny. Anything that makes you feel good, that opens your heart, that reminds you that you are an amazing being.
  9. Practice sitting in silence for a few minutes every day. Sit or lie somewhere comfortable and set a timer – even 2-5 minutes will do. You might find when you start this practice that your mind thinks it’s time to get busy and throw thoughts at you. That’s fine. Just don’t pay them any attention. Let them float past like clouds in the sky. Let them go as quickly as they arrive. After a while they will stop trying to get your attention.
  10. Masturbate! Be mindful of your intentions when you do. Whatever you are feeling or holding in your mind as you raise arousal will get increased. If you are feeling shame or guilt or fear, then those will get reinforced. If you are feeling love for yourself, if your heart is open and you’re masturbating as a path to self-pleasure, then you will be reinforcing your value and worth. 

Self-love, self-awareness, self confidence… these are more important now than ever before! The practice of self-love is absolutely revolutionary. Please practice it every day, in whatever way you can.

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Valentines Day
Oct 162016
 

Full Moon Sex RitualRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, shares her Supermoon Sex Ritual for clearing anything which no longer serves you.

Yesterday was a rare Hunter’s Supermoon in the UK. A Hunter’s moon is one that rises soon after sundown, historically allowing hunters and farmers to work a bit longer by moonlight. A Supermoon is a full moon which occurs when the moon is near (within 90 per cent of) its closest approach to Earth in a given orbit. Its close proximity makes the pull and magic of the moon even stronger than usual.

I posted the photo you see here on Instagram and mentioned that I was going to do a full moon sex ritual. Someone asked me if I would  mind sharing it and, grateful for the invitation, I accepted.

Letting go of the old

I don’t know a lot about astrology, but according to those that do, this month’s full moon was perfect for helping us to let go of thoughts, habits, patterns and beliefs that no longer serves us. That was fantastic timing as I’m currently doing some deep inner work on letting go of some very old, very stuck stuff. I welcomed the opportunity to have the moon’s help with this.

Full Moon Sex Ritual

When I do a ritual by myself or with my partner, I usually don’t plan it in advance. I tune into my higher wisdom or Source or the Universe or whatever you want to call it and then follow my intuition. Usually that means starting by getting still, slowing my breathing and relaxing my body. That is what I did last night. That was my starting point.

Once I felt grounded, present and ready, I dedicated some candles to various intentions and then lit them and placed them around my bedroom. As I did this, I invited the moon to join me as well as the stars, particular guides that I work with, the trees and a few other realms that I also work with regularly.

I laid on my bed and felt these energies gather round me and I took time to welcome each one and to make a heartfelt connection with each. I asked them to help me to release and let go of anything, any habit, pattern, thought, belief or paradigm that no longer serves me. I was guided to take my consciousness through my body to help loosen up the stuff that was ready to shift. Feeling the need to move around, I got up and stretched and danced and moved my body as it wanted to move. The movement helped to unstick some of the stuff to be released.

After a while I laid back on the bed and started to consciously increase my arousal using breath, sound, movement and touch. I moved the arousal throughout my body, using it to lovingly burn off anything which no longer served me. I moved the energy up my spine, into my organs, into my bones and cells and right into my DNA. I opened my heart and allowed myself to open fully to the Universe.

I allowed pleasure and ecstasy to move through my body and my cells. I felt connected to the cosmos, the All-That-Is and individual at the same time. I brought my intention and the full moon to mind just as I orgasmed. It was intense and beautiful and powerful!

I laid still for a long time, basking in the the orgasmic afterglow and the soft glow of the candles. I offered thanks and gratitude to my supporters and felt them withdraw. Slowly, softly, I drifted off to sleep, knowing that the moon would continue to work her magic while I slept.

More Supermoons On The Way

It turns out that there are two more Supermoons this year. One on November 14th and one on December 14th. These Supermoons are a fantastic opportunity to get celestial help with whatever you are working on at the time. You can do a ritual similar to mine or create your own. Follow your intuition, bring your arousal into play and see what happens!

I’d LOVE to hear how you get on if you do create a Supermoon Sex Ritual. Please email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and let me know how it goes for you.


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Sep 102016
 

Your Sex Life Doesn't Exist In A Vacuum

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, explores the idea that your sex life doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it sits in the container of your life.

Our sex life doesn’t exist outside the realms of our daily life and vice versa. In order to truly, fully explore who we are as sexual beings, we also have to look at and address other areas of our lives. Our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves are all interlinked. Our sexual self is the thread that runs through all of these areas.

If you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, you’ll know that I often talk about or post photos about health, going to the gym, eating well, meditation and being outside in nature. This is because these are all crucial to your sexual well-being.

I’d love to hear your comments about this and the video below. Please email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me your thoughts!

 


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Aug 032016
 

Nurturing YourselfRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about doing something to nurture yourself if you’ve had a tricky day!

It can be really easy to let a tricky or difficult day get the better of you and throw you off centre. It can put you in a huff, shift your otherwise healthy perspective and generally make you feel shit! If that’s not somehow kept in check it can roll over into the next day… and the next… and the next.

If it happens often it can have a knock on effect to our health, our relationships and our libido. Rather than go to bed with everything feeling overwhelming, sticky and generally crap, do something – anything – to nurture yourself and help get you feeling grounded and centred again.

I’m not saying you should try to instantly shift your mood or ignore your feelings. Feel your feelings, process them, sit with them. And also do something to nurture yourself along the way.

It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. One thing that really helps me to get grounded and centred again is to get to my nearest woods and sit in nature for a while. If that’s not your thing, try something else. It might be reading your favourite book or poem, going dancing, meditating, doing some yoga, working out at a gym or a million other things.

 


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Jul 312016
 

 Bring More Pleasure To Your WeekRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about how to bring more pleasure to your week.

Earlier today I was speaking with a friend who was dreading the start of the work week and was already looking ahead to the weekend yet to come. He was saying how the week was full of busyness and challenges and no pleasure.

I got to thinking about how we can bring pleasure to our week, to our days, no matter what is going on. When we get really present to each moment, pleasure is there to be had, to be experienced.

One of the ways to tune into this is to use your senses. Focus on your sense of taste, smell, sound, touch or sight. Even if what you see, hear, taste, feel or smell is not to your liking, being present with it still brings you fully into the moment at hand, and in that place, there is a kind of pleasure. A pleasure of being connected to the moment.

Another way to bring some pleasure into your week is to get connected to your sexual energy. Your sexual energy is life force energy, full of zingy aliveness, energetic nourishment and, you guessed it – pleasure! Think your sexual energy on and breathe it through your body.

You can do it as a sort of meditation if you have the time and space for that or you can just do it with three long, slow deep breathes wherever you are. Imagine that you are filling yourself up from Source (you are!) and allow that energy to flood through your body and energy system. Fill your cup to the brim, as it were. Sexual energy is limitless and abundant so you can breathe in as much as you feel to in the moment.

These are just a couple of suggestions to get you started. I’d love to hear how you bring pleasure to your week! Drop me a line at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me how you’ll be adding pleasure to your upcoming week.

You can also bring more pleasure to your week by getting your FREE audio meditation, Cultivating Presence For Intimacy And Pleasure!


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jul 182016
 

rebeccalowrie.com


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Jul 162016
 

Words we use for genitals and sexuality

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, ponders the words we use for genitals and sexuality.

Woke up this morning thinking about how the words we use for our genitals are also used as swear words. And how we use words like naughty, dirty and filthy are used to mean someone who is very sexual or acts that are considered less than vanilla or mainstream.

How we language ourselves and our world is very important. Our words have energy and cast spells. Using words that have a negative connotation or are derogatory to describe our bodies and our sexuality is troublesome to say the least. It reinforces the idea and energy that sexuality is bad or shameful.

I wish there was an easy way to change this, to choose better language for how we describe our bodies, our genitals and our sexuality.

These are just my early morning ponderings. What are your thoughts about this? What better language could we use? I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com or leave a message below the video over on YouTube. I look forward to hearing from you!

 


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Jul 082016
 

The Importance Of How You Welcome SomeoneRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about the importance of how you welcome someone to be intimate with you.

Whether you’re chatting with a view to a date, asking for business or trying to seduce someone, how you welcome them will set the tone for what is to follow. This might be in an initial email, a message on a dating app or meeting a person at a party. How you welcome someone doesn’t apply just the first time you have contact either. It applies each time you meet up with someone or start a conversation with someone.

In this video, Rebecca talks about the importance of welcoming someone and how it makes a big difference to your ongoing interactions.

 

 

 


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Jun 012016
 

Who is your true sexual self?Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, ponders questions about who we are as sexual beings.

Most of us have been conditioned to believe there is a right or wrong around sexuality, sexual expression and who we are as sexual beings. However, apart from consent, that is not true. Assuming consent is in place, there is no inherent right or wrong way to be sexual, to express your sexuality. There is no inherent way to enjoy pleasure and intimacy.

Most cultures, religions, societies, families, etc have created rules and regulations, social mores and laws about what is and isn’t ok. We try to fit into these rules so that we feel like we belong. Because it doesn’t feel safe to not belong. Fear of being ostracised, left out, made fun of or worse, left to die, causes us to dampen down who we are. We shut off our natural urges, our natural desires. Worse, we make our natural urges and desires wrong.

We get infected with the thought that there is a ‘right’ way to be sexual and if we aren’t that way inclined, then we are bad, wrong, guilty and worthless.

So, who would you be if you had no conditioning about sex and sexuality? If you had never been taught that there was a right or wrong way to express your desires, how would you express them? If all consensual expressions of pleasure, intimacy and sexuality were ‘allowed’, how would you and your life change?


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Mar 282016
 

Speaking Your Truth From Your HeartRebecca Lowrie shares her new #MeditationMonday video, Speaking Your Truth From Your Heart

Welcome to #MeditationMondays #4, Speaking Your Truth From Your Heart.

This particular mediation was inspired by someone who commented on a previous #MediationMonday video, asking how to connect to your heart so that you can speak your truth, even in a difficult situation.

This mediation is good for you if

  • You need to have a difficult conversation
  • You struggle to stay connected to your heart when speaking your truth
  • You want to feel empowered to say what needs to be said

I really hope you enjoy it. If you do, please pop over to YouTube and give it a ‘thumbs up’ or email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what other meditations you’d like to see. Happy meditating!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Mar 142016
 

#MeditationMondays #2, Using Your SensesRebecca Lowrie shares her new #MeditationMondays video, Using Your Senses To Be Aware Of Your World.

Welcome to #MeditationMondays #2, Using Your Senses To Be Aware Of Your World. In this meditation you are guided to tune in to five of your senses; touch, sound, smell, taste and sight.

Relax and unwind as you go on a journey to experience your world, your surroundings, just as they are, in the present moment.

This meditation is good for you if you want to

  • Practice being more present
  • Fine tune your senses
  • Be guided and held as you relax
  • Experience the sensuality of the present moment
  • Learn to cultivate more pleasure and connection

I really hope you enjoy it. If you do, please pop over to YouTube and give it a ‘thumbs up’ or email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what other meditations you’d like to see. Happy meditating!


Rebecca LowrieRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Feb 252016
 

Kindness and compassionRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about how kindness and compassion can open your heart and bring back lost intimacy.

I recently had a client who told me that he and his wife had grown apart over the years and that for a long time he had noticed that he was feeling quite ‘hard-hearted’ towards her. Their intimacy had dried up, there was little to no affection any more and he wanted to find a way to turn things around.

After he told me a bit about their relationship, what he loved and what he missed, we discussed ways that he could start to create the relationship that he really wanted.

We talked about how important it was to not suddenly go back to his wife with demands or to even ask anything of her at all for now. The first thing he really needed to do was focus on himself, on his own heart that had hardened. Ultimately we can’t ever change anyone else, we can only work on ourselves.

In order for him to start to heal and melt his heart, he would need to take small, easy actions each day, that didn’t require his wife to respond in any particular way. We talked about the importance of kindness and compassion in relationships and how he could bring more of that to himself and to his wife.

We are often quick to criticise ourselves or our partners, without realising the impact that has. We expect the other person to be on our wavelength, to want what we want or to agree with us without taking a moment to see how their day has been or to have compassion for what’s going on for them in that moment.

Consciously adding acts of kindness and compassion to your day and to your relationship are simple, powerful ways to start to shift things when they get stuck or to add refreshing, loving energy to a stagnant or stale partnership.

What are some ways that you can bring more kindness to your partner’s day. How can you make their life a little bit easier? What pressures can you reduce or remove from their day? What is a simple, open-hearted action you could take to help ease your partner’s load?

 

Also, if you want to rekindle intimacy, don’t go straight for sexual intimacy. Take time to rebuild trust and affection. Sexual intimacy will be a natural result of renewed trust and connection.

As mentioned in the video, carefully and consciously offer some soft, heart-infused touch or affection without any expectation or requirement from your partner.

If you’re able to, I would always recommend talking things through with your partner. If they’re not open to that or you don’t quite feel able, slowly and gently find ways to let them know that you’d like to re-establish connection and intimacy, in ways that don’t force or require them to do anything.

They may take a little longer to get on board or to melt through the layers of disconnection that may have built up over the years. Remember to be kind and compassionate – with yourself and with your partner!


Rebecca Lowrie

Rebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Feb 142016
 

What do women and men really want in the bedroom?Rebecca Lowrie explores the question, What do women and men really want in the bedroom and in relationships?

I recently put out a question on social media, asking people what was the single most challenging thing they were experiencing in their lives and in their sex lives.

I had a variety of responses, however one thing stood out. Both men and women were asking…

‘What do men and women want – both in the bedroom and in relationships?’

It’s a question many of my clients have asked me over the years so I want to take a closer look.

Over the last 10 years I’ve worked with thousands of men and women who were looking to improve their sex lives, learn more about themselves sexually or how to make intimacy better.

I’ve had the privilege and opportunity to hear first hand from many different people, from many different backgrounds and walks of life, what they are looking for in a lover and in a relationship.

However, before I share some of that information, there’s something else vitally important to consider.

Even more important than me telling you what someone else wants, it’s crucial that you first know what YOU want.

Before you wonder what someone else wants, do you know what you want?

  • Do you know what you like in the bedroom?
  • Do you know where and how you like to be touched?
  • Do you know if you want to use sex toys or try something kinky or make love outdoors?
  • Do you know what kind of relationship you want?
  • Do you want something light and non-committal?
  • Are you looking to settle down and perhaps start a family?
  • Do you want to be with someone who likes to travel or makes you laugh or reads French poetry?
  • Do you want to spend every minute together or only see each other 3 days a week?

Some of these things you might have explored in previous relationships and so already have a good idea of what you like and don’t like. Some things you might be waiting to try with the right person or at the right time. Great!

Once you have some ideas of what you like and don’t like and what you want and don’t want, the next thing to consider is

How do you share and discuss these things with your partner or lover?

Learning to communicate clearly, openly and honestly is crucial in any relationship – whether it’s a one-night stand, a long term relationship and even in your non romantic relationships. Remember, communicating well is just as much about being able to speak your truth as it is actively listening to what your partner has to say.

Knowing your own self, your own desires and needs and likes and dislikes is the first step. Being able to communicate them and also hear your partner’s is the second step.

That’s great, I hear you say, but I still want to know what women or men are looking for in the bedroom!

Here’s the thing about the ‘what do men or women want in bed or in a relationship’ question. It’s way too broad!

I don’t subscribe to the ‘men want this’ and ‘women want that’ camp. Saying that all men want X and all women want Y is outdated thinking. No two men are alike just as no two women are alike.

It’s much more important and fulfilling to take each person as they come, without preconceived ideas of what they might like according to their gender. Explore the unique landscape of their desires as you get to know them. Make no assumptions and you may find all sorts of treasure waiting for you!

That said, there ARE some general things that most people, regardless of gender, are looking for – both in the bedroom and in a relationship:

  • Safety, trust and respect – Opening yourself up either in a sexual situation or in a relationship can feel very vulnerable. In order to do that, most people want to feel safe with their lover or partner. That includes emotional and mental safety as well as physical safety.
  • Trust flows from this sense of safety. Without trust there is no deepening or growth in the relationship. Without that, a relationship will stagnate and fester.
  • Respect is simply a way of looking after each other, of being careful with each other on all levels. Respect ultimately comes from within, so you must have self respect in order to respect others.
  • Presence – Everyone wants to feel like their lover is fully there, in their bodies, in the room and in the moment with whatever is going on. No one wants to feel like their lover is thinking about business or what they’re going to have for dinner! Practice cultivating presence yourself and see how your life improves! [Click here to get your ‘Cultivating Presence For Intimacy And Pleasure’ audio mediation for FREE!]
  • Connection – Do we ‘click’ with each other? Is there a natural attraction of some kind – besides just sexual? Do we flow easily together? Is there chemistry between us? Do we have enough similar interests?
  • Intimacy – Ok, here’s a cheesy but true thing – intimacy is ‘in-to-me-see’. It is allowing yourself to be fully present, to be truly seen, warts and all. It is also allowing yourself to fully witness your partner, warts and all, in each new moment, with an open heart. It is the thing we all most desire and that we’re most afraid of.  Ironically, we fear that we won’t be loveable when really we already are love itself!
  • Pleasure – Whether in the bedroom or just generally in life, most people have an innate desire to experience pleasure. What that means to each person will of course be different. Get to know what brings you pleasure. There are big pleasures like going on holiday, seeing an old friend or fabulous sexy times with a lover. Pay just as much attention to the smaller pleasures – the taste of a single raspberry on your tongue, the breath of your lover on your neck or the warmth of a winter blanket.

Hot fudge sundaes

At a very basic level, everyone is looking for the same things in the bedroom and in a relationship.

Think of those things as the foundation, the vanilla ice cream base in a hot fudge sundae. On top of that you can sprinkle all the other delights that What do women want in the bedroom?your heart and body desires – walks on the beach, spanking, kissing, dancing, cuddles – the hot fudge sauce and sprinkles that make your own unique and delicious Hot Fudge Sundae of sex and relationships!

The cherry on top is that as you get clearer about what you want to experience and have to offer, you will attract lovers and partners who like the same as well as bringing their own new flavours.

Be your full, true amazingly magnificent, creative self and that is what will attract your perfect lover or partner.


 

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Feb 022016
 

Wisdom for your sex lifeRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, shares how to improve your life and your sex life using ancient Toltec wisdom from the book, The Four Agreements.

One of the things I’m passionate about is that our sex lives don’t exist in a vacuum, they exist within the context of our lives. Sounds obvious, but I sometimes get clients who think that I can show them a magic way to have an amazing sex life without addressing other areas of their lives. I will be writing more on this in the coming months.

Today I want to share with you a fantastic book that I think helps guide us to live more easily in the world, thus helping us to have a better connection to ourselves and our partners. This in turn will lead to better life skills which translate directly to the bedroom.

The book is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I first read this book about the time it came out in 1997. I was thrilled at how simple and yet deeply transformative it was – and still is.

wisdom for your sex life

The Four Agreements are ancient Toltec principles. As you become aware of them, and start to integrate them into your life, you will no doubt notice profound transformation in yourself, your relationships and how you live your life.

Let’s take a closer look at them and how they might affect your life and your sex life too.

The Four Agreements

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  • Speak with integrity.
  • Say only what you mean.
  • Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
  • Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

The words we speak are potent and have more impact than most of us are ever taught. How we speak, the words we use and our intention behind them creates spells. Think about it – we literally ‘spell’ words and speaking them is like casting those spells.

Whether we’re talking to ourselves, our partners, our work colleagues or even on social media, our words are powerful.

Be aware of what you’re spelling/speaking. If you want to live an easier, happier, richer, more fulfilled, more intimate life, then speak words to that.

When speaking with partners and lovers, and especially with yourself, be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Be clear, true and honest. If you are angry, find a way to dispel some of the energy and emotion before you speak so that you can be clear and not say things you might regret later.

Be mindful of your words and how you use them. Notice how different you feel and how the people around you respond.

  1. Don’t take anything personally.
  • Nothing others do is because of you.
  • What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
  • When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

This is absolutely crucial and can be difficult to remember.

Think of it this way, everyone you meet or come across has a history, a past, or even something that happened that morning, which often informs how they move through the world.

We are all a complex product of our ancestry, our childhood, our thoughts, habits and conditioning. It takes patience, practice and awareness to really implement this agreement into your life, and it is totally worth it!

Combined with the other agreements, this helps you to be more present and more clear in your relationships.

Did your partner say no when you wanted to be intimate? Please don’t take that personally. Yes, of course you need to review the situation and take responsibility for whatever you need to take responsibility for, but look deeper.

Is your partner particularly tired, stressed or preoccupied? Could you offer to listen to what’s going on for them instead?

If you do your best to not take what appears as rejection personally, you open up the possibility to see what is really going on and that is intimacy – which is ultimately what we all are seeking.

  1. Don’t make assumptions.
  • Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
  • Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
  • With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Like the previous agreement, this is crucial to being clear in your life and relationships. Clarity allows us to see the bigger picture and to make informed choices.

Don’t assume that you know why your partner is feeling a certain way. Don’t assume that they will respond in a certain way. Treat each moment anew. Unless you’ve taken the time to find out, you don’t know what’s really going on.

Even when things look or seem obvious, give someone the benefit of the doubt. Explore deeper. Most of the time people are just focused on their own lives and their own problems and are not trying to trip you up or reject you.

It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable, to share our deeper thoughts, feelings and desires. It takes time to build intimacy and trust. So don’t assume anything, be open to what is and see how that creates more understanding and ultimately more pleasure and intimacy in your relationships.

  1. Always do your best.
  • Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
  • Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

When I first read this book and came across this particular agreement, I interpreted it to mean always push yourself hard. Obviously that is not at all what it means.

It’s much more simple than that. It just means, do your best in each moment, whatever ‘best’ is at that time.

Sometimes our best is outstanding and phenomenal. Sometimes our best is mediocre in comparison, but this is not about comparison. It’s about being true to yourself and the present moment.

What is your best right here, right now?

Anything less than your best in each moment is destructive. It can destroy confidence, patience and self-love for starters.

If you find yourself in a situation thinking, ‘Oh, I could have done better’, don’t kick yourself. Just allow yourself to notice, increase your awareness and then next time choose more carefully. Use your new awareness for conscious growth and expansion.

Conclusion

As I said before, these Four Agreements are simple and yet extremely powerful and potent. Together they are significant principles that will improve your life and therefore, your sex life too.

I’d recommend printing them out and putting them somewhere you can be reminded of them daily. Put them in your phone or wherever you will see them frequently.

Practice them daily and watch how your life and your relationships transform. 


If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!


Jan 252016
 

5 Steps To Being A Better LoverRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, wants to help YOU be a better lover, and has a new eBook for you to do just that!

One of the questions I get asked the most is, ‘Can you teach me to be a better lover?’ People from all over the world, of all different ages and experiences want to know how to please their lovers, how to get more pleasure and intimacy out of their erotic experiences, and how to feel confident as a lover.

The great news is that YES, I can teach you how to be a better lover. 

Some people want to learn how to be a better lover through private sessions with me. I absolutely love, love, LOVE those sessions!

Learning to be a better lover is usually a process. It involves learning to be present, doing some self-enquiry, healing and letting go of ‘stuff’.

It often takes practice and patience to let go of old conditioning and allow your True Lover to emerge, to give that part of yourself permission to be free and to explore. It’s an exciting process that always leads to deeper satisfaction and fulfilment, more connection and intimacy and, of course, hotter sex!

However, not everyone can get to me for a private session and one of the things I am passionate about is empowering YOU! Soooooo… I’ve written an eBook (that includes 2 audios) so that you can learn to be a better lover from wherever you are, in your own time, at your own pace.

The 5 Steps To Being A Better Lover – Tonight eBook includes:

  • The 10 page eBook bursting with erotic information
  • Your 5-Point Action PlanTheSexualAlchemist.com
  • Practical tips for putting the plan in motion
  • 3 extra action bonus tips
  • A checklist to keep you on track
  • Plus two audios to support and guide you

Get '5 Steps To Being A Better Lover-Tonight!'

It is my deepest hope and desire that it will inspire and educate you and help you to be the very best lover you can be. I hope that it will help you to find your joy and pleasure as well as build your erotic confidence.


If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!


 

Jan 142016
 

Rebecca Lowrie at 50

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, reflects on turning 50 and what that means for the next 50 years.

What were you doing on New Year’s Eve this year? Partying, spending time with family, reflecting on the past year and thinking about your year ahead?

I was celebrating my 50th birthday.

You could say I was equally ready and thrilled and also a little bit shocked. I mean, 50!

Sounds so old in some ways and yet I feel like I’m just warming up! There’s so much I still want to accomplish and do and create and experience.

Just Getting Started

It fascinates me and gives me hope that great people such as Louise Hay and Steven Covey didn’t start their life’s work until later in their 50’s.

I often get emails from men saying, I’m having this or that problem, and I’m in my 50’s, so it’s probably my age.

No! It’s usually nothing to do with your age! There are plenty of people our age who are perfectly healthy with great sex lives.

Whatever it is, it’s more likely down to the culmination of your conditioning, thoughts, habits and beliefs. I can help you clear, heal and transform those!

Maybe if we believe that we go downhill with age, that’s what we create.

I choose to believe that I’m going to age like a fine wine or a smelly cheese – the older the better!

I feel excited and energised about turning 50. I feel like now I can really focus in on making a difference in the world. I know myself so much better now than I ever did when I was younger.

Dr John Demartini RebeccaLowrie.com 50

In May of 2015 I did a workshop with Dr John Demartini. He asked us what our 100-year goal was. What legacy did we want to leave? How did we want the world to be different because we were in it?

That question has stayed with me ever since. It’s such a big question! Why aren’t we asked that when we’re younger and looking for direction and purpose?

I don’t think I have a complete answer to it yet, but here’s what I’ve got so far:

My 100 Year Goals

  • In 100 years’ time, when I’ve been dead for about 50 years (I’m planning to live to 100!), I would like humanity to have evolved beyond fear, shame and guilt around sexuality.
  • I would like the majority of the population to feel liberated and free to own, enjoy, celebrate and fully embrace their sexual nature, their sexual selves.
  • I would like humanity to have a much deeper understanding and experience of sexual energy and of their own true power.
  • I would like there to be a much deeper understanding of how our sexual energy is meant for so much more than the sex we currently know and I would like to have obliterated the limited belief for many that sex = penetration.
  • I would like humanity to be living much more authentically as a whole, in harmony and balance with the self, each other, nature, animals, the stars the planets and to understand how their sexual energy plays a crucial role in that.
  • I would like humanity to understand, fully and deeply, that we must own and accept all of who we are, our light and our dark, our hero and our villain, our sinner and our saint  in order to live our truth, in order to be really present and authentic, in order to create nourishing relationships.
  • Ultimately, I would like to have done my part to help heal what I believe is the greatest human wound, the ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘I’m not good enough’ wound.

RebeccaLowrie.com 50Mistakes And Wisdom

Thankfully, if I’m going to live to 100, I have another 50 years to create and leave my legacy. In some ways it doesn’t feel like nearly enough time. I mentioned that to a friend recently. She pointed out that 50 years ago it was illegal to be gay in many countries and states and now, in many places, we have marriage equality finally blossoming.

So if I have another 50 years, that means I have my whole life to live over again! Only this time I have the added advantage of having already made a whole bunch of mistakes. This time I can avoid those particular mistakes and make some brand new ones. Hopefully that will help me learn quicker. Also, I don’t have the same fear of mistakes and failure as I used to.

Since I’m starting this part of my life with some experience and wisdom under my belt, I can make different choices moving forward. I can make choices that nurture my soul instead of hurt or squash it. I can be more conscious about who I hang around with, what I eat and how I spend my time.

I am so grateful for the glorious, messy, wonderful, painful and very rich 50 years I’ve already had, and I can’t wait to see what the next 50 years bring.

RebeccaLowrie.com 50

RebeccaLowrie.com 50

 


If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!


 

Jan 092016
 

RebeccaLowrie.com

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, invites you to join her for the Create Your Most Prosperous, Successful And Magical Year Yet Bootcamp.

On Tuesday 12th January, 2016, I’ll be running a very special online Bootcamp called Create Your Most Prosperous, Successful And Magical Year Yet!

In it, you’ll be guided through four unique rituals that will harness the power of the elements – Earth, Air, Fire and Water – to energise your intentions and send them out into the world to work their magic for you.

In order to get the most out of the Bootcamp, I recommend you take some time to get super clear about your intention. So I’ve created a video (see below) that helps you do just that!

Even if you aren’t doing the Bootcamp, these processes will help you get clear about the year ahead and what you’d like to draw to you or manifest.

If you’d like to participate in the Bootcamp you can book your place here>>>

Date: Tuesday 12th January, 2016
Time: 7-8:30pm GMT
Place: Any where you have an internet connection!
Cost: Only £18!

*All participants will receive a recording of the Bootcamp as well as a special PDF of information about the rituals. If you aren’t able to join us at the time of the Bootcamp, you can do the rituals at a time convenient to you.

In order to supercharge your intentions, it’s essential to get really clear about what they are. If you already know, that’s fantastic, well done! If not, take some time before the Bootcamp to get clear about the intention you want to work with during our rituals.

You will be guided through four unique rituals, each one harnessing the power of one of the elements.

My recommendation would be to create one very clear, very focused intention that you want to use for all four rituals. That way you will have really juiced it up with as much energy and power as possible.

Here are some tips for how to get clear and choose your intention. You can do all of the steps below or just choose the ones that help you the most:

  1. Create some quiet, still space for yourself. Just 5-10 minutes will do. Have a pen and paper ready. Sit with your back straight and your feet flat on the floor. Relax your body. Close your eyes and take three long, slow, deep breaths.
  2. Take a minute to think over the last year and write down as many accomplishments as you can think of. These can be anything at all that feels like an accomplishment to you: ‘I wrote a book’ or ‘I got a great new job’, ‘I cooked for myself more often than not’ or ‘I didn’t give up’. Anything at all. Don’t take any longer than a minute.
  3. Give yourself a pat on the back and maybe even do a little victory dance! Yay you! Shake your booty!
  4. Now take a minute to write down what you learned over the past year. ‘I don’t like cardio, but I do like weightlifting’, ‘I need to focus more on…’, ‘I am really good at….’, ‘It feels good when I make time for…’, ‘This year I want to create…’ Again, don’t take any longer than a minute.
  5. Take three more long, slow, deep breaths. Relax your body.
  6. Write down 3 ways that you limit yourself. ‘I only allow myself to earn…’, ‘I don’t stay in touch with friends’, ‘I often say no when I really want to say yes’.
  7. Write the reverse of the things you wrote for number 6. ‘I allow myself to earn what I’m worth, ‘I make an effort to stay in touch with my friends’, ‘I say yes to the things that feel good to me’.
  8. Write down 3 things you’d like to achieve in the new year. Be as specific as you can. ‘I will write a #1 best selling book about sex’, ‘I will learn to cook more vegetarian dishes’, ‘I will ring my mum once a week’.
  9. Now put your pen down, sit up straight again, and take three more long, slow, deep breaths. Then just breath normally, eyes closed, body relaxed. Focus on your breathing. Let all of the thoughts that stirred during the exercise above just settle or dissipate.
  10. Take your focus or awareness into your heart. Slow right down and ask your heart, ‘What is my intention for the upcoming Bootcamp?’ Breathe and listen. Trust whatever your heart tells you.
  11. Write down your intention in the form of a statement. ‘I welcome financial abundance and flow’, ‘I allow new friends into my life’, ‘I attract my perfect life partner’.
  12. Do another victory dance! Get your hips and spine moving, breathe and say hell yeah!

Congratulations! You now have your perfect intention for our rituals!

Whether you want to join us live on the Bootcamp call or just receive the recording to use at your convenience, book your spot here>>>

Looking forward to creating magic with you!


If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

 

Dec 032015
 

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, spoke about men’s sexuality at the recent Being A Man Festival at the Southbank Centre in London.

This November the Southbank Centre held it’s second annual Being A Man Festival. I was delighted to be asked to join a panel discussion about men’s sexuality. The discussion was titled, ‘Sex And The City: The Singles, The Marrieds And The Wanting To Have It Alls’. My fellow panelists and I had great fun discussing the various topics and answering questions from our moderator, Gareth May, and from the audience.

On the panel with me was Dr Nina Burrowes, a psychologist specialising in sexual abuse, Calum McSwiggan, an LGBT & lifestyle YouTuber and Jordi Sinclair from the 30SomethingLondon blog (he was just voted Blogger Of The Year by the UK Dating Awards!) Links to each of these lovely folk are below the video.

The discussion provided a great opportunity to talk about how men can explore and expand themselves as sexual beings. We had a juicy conversation about men and their sexuality – about how they can own, embrace, celebrate and fully enjoy their powerful, beautiful sexual energy out in the world.

Watch the Southbank Centre’s official video of the whole talk here:

Related links:

Ben Sutton Ceramics

Mankind Project UK

Men’s Health Forum

Kenny D’Cruz (The Man Whisperer)

Dr Nina Burrowes

Jordi Sinclair

Calum McSwiggan

Gareth May


Empower Your Erection


If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email me at rebecca@thesexualalchemist.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!

Rebecca Lowrie, The Sexual AlchemistRebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sex life into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!