Feb 252016

Kindness and compassionRebecca Lowrie, The Sexual Alchemist, talks about how kindness and compassion can open your heart and bring back lost intimacy.

I recently had a client who told me that he and his wife had grown apart over the years and that for a long time he had noticed that he was feeling quite ‘hard-hearted’ towards her. Their intimacy had dried up, there was little to no affection any more and he wanted to find a way to turn things around.

After he told me a bit about their relationship, what he loved and what he missed, we discussed ways that he could start to create the relationship that he really wanted.

We talked about how important it was to not suddenly go back to his wife with demands or to even ask anything of her at all for now. The first thing he really needed to do was focus on himself, on his own heart that had hardened. Ultimately we can’t ever change anyone else, we can only work on ourselves.

In order for him to start to heal and melt his heart, he would need to take small, easy actions each day, that didn’t require his wife to respond in any particular way. We talked about the importance of kindness and compassion in relationships and how he could bring more of that to himself and to his wife.

We are often quick to criticise ourselves or our partners, without realising the impact that has. We expect the other person to be on our wavelength, to want what we want or to agree with us without taking a moment to see how their day has been or to have compassion for what’s going on for them in that moment.

Consciously adding acts of kindness and compassion to your day and to your relationship are simple, powerful ways to start to shift things when they get stuck or to add refreshing, loving energy to a stagnant or stale partnership.

What are some ways that you can bring more kindness to your partner’s day. How can you make their life a little bit easier? What pressures can you reduce or remove from their day? What is a simple, open-hearted action you could take to help ease your partner’s load?


Also, if you want to rekindle intimacy, don’t go straight for sexual intimacy. Take time to rebuild trust and affection. Sexual intimacy will be a natural result of renewed trust and connection.

As mentioned in the video, carefully and consciously offer some soft, heart-infused touch or affection without any expectation or requirement from your partner.

If you’re able to, I would always recommend talking things through with your partner. If they’re not open to that or you don’t quite feel able, slowly and gently find ways to let them know that you’d like to re-establish connection and intimacy, in ways that don’t force or require them to do anything.

They may take a little longer to get on board or to melt through the layers of disconnection that may have built up over the years. Remember to be kind and compassionate – with yourself and with your partner!

Rebecca Lowrie

Rebecca specialises in men’s sexuality and works with individuals and couples to help them expand their ideas and experiences of sexuality. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sexuality into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!

If you’re inspired and would like to book a Sexual Alchemy session, email Rebecca at rebecca@rebeccalowrie.com and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!