It happened in a phone shop on a normal high street in north London. I was waiting for my phone to be returned when the young man working in the shop asked me what I did for a living. I never know quite how to answer that question and various answers usually pop out of my mouth. ‘I teach sacred sexuality’, I told him. ‘Oh,’ he said.
I could almost hear the cogs of his brain turning. ‘So what could you teach me?’ he asked. Feeling it to be a genuine request, I asked him if he wanted to learn how to have the most mind-blowing sex ever. ‘Of course!’ he said, laughing a little nervously. Several other assistants and a customer were now paying attention. ‘Come here,’ I said. He came and stood in front of me, less than a foot away. ‘Relax… breathe… now bring yourself fully into this moment and look into my eyes’. He did exactly as I instructed and after about five seconds exclaimed, ‘Wow, ohmygod, what did you just do? That was amazing! AMAZING!’ He was ecstatic. All I did was request his full presence and offer him mine back. It’s that simple really. He was still muttering happily to himself when I left.
Being present is one of the most important, useful, joyful, mind-blowing things I’ve learned from my journey through tantra. Being really present in each and every moment is all there really is and yet we usually have our attention in the past or future.
Most of us are taught at a very early age how to distract ourselves. A friend once told me about a trip to a funfair where each time she got on a ride, her friend would say to her, ‘What are we going on next?’ She didn’t get to enjoy the ride she was actually on because her attention was constantly being drawn to the future. We all do this in one way or another. We reminisce about the past or worry about tomorrow, but rarely take time to just be where we are.
When we get really, truly present, the world changes completely! When I allow myself to be fully present with my partner, he is new and different in each and every moment! What a delight! Our relationship, our love making never gets old or stale because all the old moments are gone, dead. Here we are in this brand new moment that didn’t exist before, oh, and here’s another one. Who is this amazing man here with me right now, and right now and right now? It’s so exciting! Every time we touch, kiss, caress is like the first time!
Try this at home: (either with your Beloved or as a solo practice looking into your own eyes in a mirror) Sit quietly with your Beloved and softly, gently, look into each other’s eyes. Let your thoughts subside and allow yourself to be fully present with whatever ‘is’ in that moment and each new moment as it unfolds. Bring your awareness to your heart and allow love to flow – in and out. Behold your Beloved as they are in this instant. In this shared space, everything is fresh and new and anything is possible. In the unpredictability of each second, the magnitude of each breath, and the vitality of each moment, your passion for each other can be constantly rediscovered. If you regularly take the time to be present with yourself and with your Beloved, your ever-evolving selves will fill a lifetime with love, desire and deep intimacy.
If you’d like to book a session or find out more, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me what you’re interested in. I look forward to hearing from you!
Rebecca Lowrie works with individuals and couples to help them have better sex lives. Using various forms of conscious sexuality, including tantra and conscious kink, Rebecca can help you transform your sex life into something deliciously juicy, delightfully fun and ecstatically blissful!